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The God of My Brokenness

Updated: Jan 26, 2020

Hello to all of my returning blog followers/subscribers and to those who are joining my blog for the first time! For those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving, Happy Thanksgiving to you! Although it pains me understanding the history of this holiday, I do love that this day brings families together. I will do my best to eat moderately this year so I am not rolled from the table in a wheelbarrow :-)  For those who may not know, I am a blog contributor for a ministry called The Greater Love, Founder/President, Ashley Little. As a blogger for The Greater Love, I have a very unique opportunity to write about topics related to reaching the LGBT community with the Gospel. I am very passionate about outreach to this community, as 10 years ago, Christ met me where I was, as a homosexual, a sinner, and transformed my life through His Gospel. Today, I am a husband to my amazing wife, Fetima, and the proud papa of our nine-month-old son, Alexander! My desire to share the amazing love of Christ with others that they may find salvation and freedom through the sacrifice of Jesus. You can hear the story of my journey of deliverance from homosexuality by clicking “Ron’s Story.

I am SUPER grateful for the hundreds of comments on my first blog entitled You’re Insulting the Essence of My Being!”, featured as an article by The Christian Post and on their Facebook page! Check it out if you haven’t had the chance to. 

 I must say, the conversation on The Christian Post’s Facebook page was very lively! Lol! I received numerous inbox messages from people who felt compelled by the article’s call-to-action to love the LGBT community without an agenda. At the same time, there were many who disagreed with my perspective and that is okay. Anywho, a lot has been happening in my life as of late. Between ministry, life as a parent, husband, photographer, and everything else I am blessed to do, I have been quietly finishing writing my book! I am preparing to release my autobiography in 2020! My book is nearly ten years in the making, recounting my journey of freedom from homosexuality through the Gospel. I was quite surprised at the overwhelming response to the announcement (Thank you!). My hope is, through my story, I glorify God, illustrating that Jesus is who He says He is in the scriptures. He really has the power to change anyone. Connect with me on Facebook for more on the release of my autobiography.

Without further adieu-- In this blog, titled The God of My Brokenness, I want to share what God has been doing in my heart as of late. 


I feel, as believers, we aren’t the most transparent people when it comes to who we were before Jesus changed us. It’s as if think we’ve come out of the womb saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. But if the truth be told, all of us have skeletons in our closets. I believe God wants us to not only respond in faith and obedience to the Gospel, which converts us from sinner to saint but also that we allow Him to help us clean out what is in our closet. With discretion, sharing the story of who we were to who we are now as children of God, doesn’t have to be glorifying the flesh. Instead, it can be an opportunity to relate to someone who sees their sinfulness as unredeemable. Our willingness to share our truth puts a face to hope for someone lost in their sin. Since I was nine years old, I have experienced same-sex attractions. And to be honest, even after being born again and walking with Jesus for 10 years, to some extent, I still have them. In the beginning of my conversion, the reality of these attractions brought about great anxiety. Surely, salvation came with a magic wand that makes all temptation and wayward desires vanish into thin air. I was wrong. Sometimes the attractions still raise its head in healthy friendships with those of the same sex. I used to run away from the potential of intimate brotherly relationships with other men because I feared the attractions would complicate my ability to have them.

 But rather than run away from some friendships, while exercising caution, God has me dealing with my relational brokenness head on. Through this process, I am learning that God isn’t afraid of the layers of our brokenness. He is showing me that He is big enough, and powerful enough to handle our real-life problems. We don’t have to hide from God - we can come boldly to His throne where grace meets us right where we are - in our time of need. If I could turn the attractions off myself, I would. But I don’t have the liberty of defining my process of sanctification - only God does. Through this seeming thorn in my flesh, I have come to know God & His power. Yes. I know Him as a keeper. But I have come to know Him as the healer of wounds of the heart-- heart wounds that merge deeply into our emotions and affect our reality. When my innocence was corrupted as a child, my understanding of what healthy intimacy with other men was blurred. I embraced a gay identity based off sexual and relational brokeness. In my mind, closeness with men equated to sex and romance. My brokeness formed synaps in my brain, wiring me the wrong way to respond to other males. But through the word of God and the Holy Spirit at work in my life, my mind is being transformed. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2).

I know some of us are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about things like this. I definitely felt shame and actually hesitated before submitting this article. But the scriptures say God desires truth in the inward parts. How can we know truth in those places if we don’t let God into them? For years, I have barricaded this wound, even from God. But now, it’s time to be completely made whole. Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. So if you are in Christ, you don’t have to feel like there is something you can’t bring to God. He can take what was shameful and make it into a beautiful testimony. 

Someone has to tell the story of what God can do and bring hope for those struggling with their brokenness in secrecy. Like the man whom Jesus met at the Pool of Bethesda, Jesus asked me if I will be made whole (Jn. 5:6). My answer was “yes.” How about you? Sometimes we settle for salvation and don’t seek God for wholeness. But I am determined to let God complete the good work He has begun in me. And through my healing, I will declare the works of God in my life. I encourage you to accept Christ’s invitation to wholeness. And though it may be uncomfortable to let Him dig up the grounds of your heart to get to the pain, it will be worth it.

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